About Molly Rose
How I became a Zen Mommy and created the Mindful Attachment Parenting (MAP) approach
I remember my vows of parenting perfection from before I became a mother. They sounded something like...”When I become a mother...I will always stay calm and present and master all of the right ways to parent and I will never repeat the mistakes of the generations that came before me.”
Coming from inexperience and the realm of absolutes at the time, I was not aware that there is the ideal and then there is the reality. And that we all have different capacities on different days. Or that I would discover that being mindful and compassionate with myself was the road to being able to be the best parent I could be and to building a secure attachment.
Building a secure bond
As soon as I found out that I was pregnant, I read all of the books I could get my hands on and Googled my fingertips to exhaustion scouring the internet for the best parenting advice. It was clear to me that Attachment Parenting was the most conducive to building a secure attachment. And I already knew that bonding with my baby was the most important thing right from the start. I thought I was ready: Eco-hip baby sling—check...Boppy for breastfeeding—check...Natural and non-toxic baby care products—check.
The motherhood struggle is real
But parenting was so much harder and humbling than I ever thought it would be. And I quickly learned that being a motherhood perfectionist and mommy martyr is a sure path to mom burnout. But I was filled with new parent anxiety and I did not know how to find my mommy zen at that point, or have all of the tools to be fully present as a parent.
How do you know when to use what, and where do you start?
So how was I supposed to figure out when to do what? And how to modify things when needed so that they worked for my own family? I had a background in teaching yoga and energy healing in addition to psychology, and I decided that I had to meet myself where I was. Also, that I could not give to my child what I have not given to myself first. Because self-care is essential and we can not pour from an empty cup.
Self-care is your lifeline to being the best mother you can be!
When I was a new mother with a baby with colic, there were days that I did not even shower. Back then, self-care seemed like a coveted experience that got moved to my bucket list instead of my daily to-do list. Running on empty took a toll, but I was lucky enough to have a friend who taught me that motherhood is a marathon and that we have to learn to pace ourselves. It was time to start a mindful self-care practice. And this awareness hit home for me. Self-care is not selfish—it is your lifeline to being your best self.
I discovered mindfulness and it became my new mommy superpower
Mindfulness became my modus operandi once I began to understand that parenting is all about connection not perfection. Because we can’t connect with our children if we are preoccupied with how we or someone else “should be” or how life “should be” rather than how it is. And mindfulness is the inroad to being present and staying connected to ourselves, our children, and to our parenting zen moment to moment. But what about the triggers that set us off and that lead to reactive parenting? How do we apply mindfulness to parenting when we are drowning in mama drama?
Breaking the cycle by doing the inner work
I began my psychotherapy internship at a clinic specializing in Mindful Parenting and Early Childhood. While co-facilitating Mommy & Me groups it became evident to me that family karma is energetically transferred to young children, when parents are triggered and there is no intervention.
Because in those moments they are not present, they are somewhere in the past or future in their minds, experiencing their unresolved issues. Then, that energy filters into the child’s psyche. And I witnessed the transmission stop when the parents were brought back into the present and able to reflect on the what, why, and when of the trigger.
Consequently, I discovered that this way of applying mindfulness to parenting and building reflective capacity is powerful for healing and breaking harmful generational patterns.
Our children are little Zen masters mirroring to us what we are thinking and feeling
Taking everything I was learning in my internship to heart, I began using mindfulness in my parenting and started to do the inner work that came forward. One day I was journaling and giving a “voice” to something that was really triggering me and I looked over at my sleeping daughter. And I recognized from her expressions and sighs, that she was mirroring my mental and emotional states, as I processed what I was feeling.
Holy cow! This solidified for me the reality that our nervous systems are connected to our children and that they reflect to us our own psychic stuff and we pass on that stuff if we don’t heal our own unresolved issues.
The Zen Mommy MAP is born!
I was inspired to use all of my education, training, and experiences to create a new parenting approach that would empower parents with a mindful user-friendly method—to parent the way they really want to, build a secure attachment, and to break negative generational family cycles.
As a result, Mindful Attachment Parenting also known as the Zen Mommy MAP was born. And it is designed to bridge the gap between Attachment Parenting and Attachment Theory. Because mindfulness is like a compass guiding us as parents to know when to use what and which way to go. It keeps us connected regardless of whether we can do all of the Attachment Parenting practices, all the time, given our own unique circumstances.
Truly, the practices are amazing, but staying present and sensitively responsive to our children is the ultimate key to a secure attachment. And the tools and techniques of the MAP make parenting mindfully a lot easier and act as an overall GPS to help you confidently find your way as a parent.
Finding your village
It takes a village. We have all heard this statement. But where is this village that everyone talks about? I used to joke and say things like: “Does this village just show up or is there a number you can call?” Those of us who choose the principles and practices associated with Attachment Parenting are often on our own in many ways.
Because many of our mothers and grandmothers were subject to the formula industry’s push for bottle feeding rather than breastfeeding. And Dr. Spock’s cry it out method rather than co-sleeping. And there is a disconnect from how we were parented and how we choose to parent. As a result, I also realized that conscious mamas need a like minded, safe space to receive guidance and form a sisterhood of support. In response, I developed the Zen Mommy MAP village for you!
Professional bio
I am a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. My education includes a B.S. in Psychology and an M.A. in Counseling Psychology, with a specialization in Spiritual Psychology. And I am a published author of two parenting books. Also, I received extensive training in Infant-Parent Mental Health, Early Childhood Development, Reflective Parenting, Attachment Disorders, and Mindful Parenting. Some other areas of specialization include Family Systems, ADHD, Autism, Addiction/Substance Abuse, Body Image/Eating Disorders, Depression, Anxiety, and healing from abuse and trauma.
I look at issues on all levels and incorporate a holistic approach based on my background in mindfulness meditation, yoga instruction, energy psychology, and massage therapy. After hanging up my counseling shingle in private practice, I progressed to supervising other therapists who were working with families with children with autism and other special needs.
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